no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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