So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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