Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Success! We fucked roommates!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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