I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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