Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Randomize
