are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
