That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
