I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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