Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
