ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
