I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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