the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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