I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
