just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
