I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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