just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
