Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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