She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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