He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
