the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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