yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
