well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
