My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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