She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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