Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
