I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
