Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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