Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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