I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
