Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
