On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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