This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
