Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
