there's paper in my vomit.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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