we'll go far in life on tits alone.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
