So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
