just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
