around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
There are leaves in my underwear?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
