And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
