just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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