every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
