i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
