she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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