How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
