Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
