I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
this boner is exhausting
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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