I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
