he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
