you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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