Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
