Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
