hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
there is puke in my bra ... again
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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