Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
